After extensive testing the answer is a rather disappointing “No, I don’t have swine flu”. I say disappointing because at least I’d have had something to boast about after a week of misery. Worst of all it has cost me the chance to help out a friend in need. Each month, she eagerly awaits her copy of Vogue only to discover that the local supermarket has scrawled the price in ugly ballpoint across the cover. Naturally she asked the manager to desist from such vandalism, but he just looked at her though if she were fit to be sectioned.
Clearly it was time for direct action, and the plan was to unleash me in the shop sneezing, coughing and gobbing over customers and cream cakes alike!
But it turns out I’m not that poisonous. Moreover, my friend has since discovered that the kind lady at the newsagents is more than happy to provide her with her monthly Vogue in virgin condition!!